I push aside unhappy thoughts
Try to laugh away the blues
Rationalize that I must have committed some sins
And God wants me to repay
Her negativity tries to engulf me
But God helps me find a chink
I escape
I try to be happy
But do not always succeed
Everybody pays
I hope the cycle breaks now
It should not continue
The suffering should come to an end
The future should smile benevolently
Upon my kids
Not even the shadow of this senselessness
Touch them.
She tries to trample my happiness
Every time I resist
The struggle has been going on
For ten long years
I don’t know when and how it will end
It is taking its toll on me
I laugh, but
I am also aware of
The hollowness within
I wish to vent my anger
But I resist
It is not going to lead anywhere
It will only unmask the façade
Of normality
That we carry with us
We are not free
Why are we thus burdened?
Forced to carry the weight thus
The present life does not provide answers
Perhaps we carry the burdens of our past
Oh God, Let this be the last life of
Her misery and ours.
12/08/09